fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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