so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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