My hair reeks of homosexuality.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
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