Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
