We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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