The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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