I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
