Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Drunk is a universal language darling
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
