Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
