Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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