She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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