you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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