it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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