Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
