No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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