I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
