Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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