I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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