Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
