dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
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Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
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because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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