Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
