You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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