how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
sex in a hospital.. check
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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