I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
where are my eyebrows?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
