There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
