Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
