saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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