i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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