If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
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