How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
