I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
