Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
