billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
