The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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