We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
