She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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