Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
