I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize