I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
