I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
