she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I think your dad took our porno
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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