so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
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My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
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Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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