i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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