Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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