I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
