My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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