She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
