I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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