I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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