Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Randomize
