His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Randomize
