So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
