I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
