I'm eating all of the evidence.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
