Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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