she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
