Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
