Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
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Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
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I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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