The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
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