my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
