Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
