I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
