it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
