before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
