you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
