Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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