the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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