I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
