Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
