apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
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I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
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He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
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