No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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