He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Randomize
