there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Randomize
