I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
