Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
