Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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