you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
