Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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