My underwear smells like fireworks.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
